She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
