How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
