I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Randomize
