you turned your livingroom into a bong?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
