If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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