At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
