Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I think we might need a safe word for this...
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