yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
