Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
