it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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