I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize