Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
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