Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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