Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
This is classic penis vs brain.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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