In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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