I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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