Already got asked if we're dating
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
