It's like God shit irony all over that family
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
