You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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