girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
