Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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