I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
