I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
It was like getting head from an anaconda
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
My ass is underappreciated
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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