I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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