i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
