literally had 100 drinks last night.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
