I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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