Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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