please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
