So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
