I think I died a long time ago.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
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