Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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