ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
