I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
