Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
