A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize