do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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