Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
