I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
