Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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