I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
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