so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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