I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
