we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize