Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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