I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
