the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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