i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
