You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
