If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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