just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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