Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Boobs speak an international language.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
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