I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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