I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
