why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
