Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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