Is it because I queefed?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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