Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
