I cockslap morals
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
