I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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