if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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