I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
