You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Randomize