Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Just cropdusted the office
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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