You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
