Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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