Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
